Luna Matatas was married once. After a divorce and a sexual renaissance of sorts, she discovered a new-found energy for exploring her sexuality as a curious and empowered woman. Today, she helps singles, couples and new divorcees to traverse new, erotic terrains. From navigating anal sex etiquette, to how using Tinder for a threesome, to pegging and all manner of other taboo activities, this episode explores a wide scope of topics.
 
In this episode, we talk about:
 
  • O School
  • Kate McCombs of Tea and Empathy
  • Sexual renaissance after divorce
  • What makes a bad threesome?
  • What do you need to study to be a sex expert?
  • Sex and the City, Girls and HBO as part of the discursive construction of sexuality
  • Fifty Shades of Grey, erotic literature and pathologising kink as trauma
  • Non-sexual submission and domination
  • Sex as part of creative expression
  • How to use empathy to become a better lover
  • Your biggest erogenous zone - YOUR BRAIN
  • How do you find pleasure outside of instant gratification?
  • What is a fetish?
  • Does 'Don’t yuck my yum’ enable problematic fetishes?
  • Can you ever over-masturbate?
  • How to have an honest and open dialogue about fetishes with your conservative partner
  • What is age play? Is age play unethical?
  • How to use dating apps to find your unicorn
  • Should use a sex worker for your next threesome?
  • 10 things your can do to optimise your dating profile to attract your unicorn
  • How to deal with jealousy during a threesome
  • Where does shame come from?
  • Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power
  • Body positivity as an empowering tool in the labour force
  • How can men be an ally? 
  • Get your Peg the Patriarchy Panties here.
  • Fuck Like a Goddess - the official underwear.  
  • The rise of anal pay in mainstream media.
  • What makes a body-safe sex toy?
  • Can you put a crystals (yoni eggs) in your vagina?
  • What is Feminine Dominance (femme domme)?
 
You can find more information about Luna’s workshops via her website.
Be sure to follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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Have you ever stopped to think about where your porn comes from, or if porn actors receive fair pay? These aren’t generally pressing questions for the average porn consumer as they scroll through their search results for a 5-minute clip. But as with all parts of consumer culture, it’s important for us to think about how we can support higher and more ethical production standards.
Euphemia Russell is a pleasure and sexuality educator in Melbourne. In this episode, we spoke to her about the state of the Australian adult entertainment industry, and how we can help to support artistic integrity and fairer production standards.
 

In this episode, we also discuss:

  • The state of Australian sex education
  • The cultural, political and institutional barriers to running a sex education business
  • The state of the porn industry
  • Does ethical porn exist?
  • Why sex work is work
  • The politics of Porn Hub and its heteronormative cis-gendered bias
  • One cup, two girls
  • What really goes on inside the porn industry?
  • Do we need more realistic porn? Is there a place for fantasy in our intimate lives?
  • Porn screenings and safe spaces for understanding public and private perceptions of porn
  • Why we NEED more public spaces to talk about sex safely
  • Row Murray on Episode 23 
  • Kids are watching porn from as young as 8-years-old
  • When is the time educate our kids about safe, consensual sex?
  • Porn tropes and their place in rape culture
  • The demise of high quality porn in the 90s
  • Why you absolutely HAVE to pay for porn
  • Crash Pad Series
  • The problem with ‘feminist' porn and ‘ethical’ porn
  • SWERFs and social exclusion
  • Why do so many straight women love lesbian porn?
  • How you we be better consumers? Vote with your dollars!
  • Visit Pinklabel.tv for loads of high-quality, ethically produced porn
  • Porn actor Jizz Lee
  • Catalyst Con
  • Why is Australia so conservative?
  • Victorian legal frameworks and sex work 
  • #gymtw
  • Sex Worker’s Outreach Program 
  • Estelle Lucas on Episode 17 
  • Why rape fantasies are common - but are they 'normal'?
  • Esther Perel and the concept of a secret garden
  • How to cultivate healthy fantasies
  • Lube is the BEST SEX TOY
  • The difference between oil, silicone and water-based lubes
  • Passionfruit in Richmond, Melbourne
 
Be sure to follow Euphemia’s work on Instagram and Facebook.
 

 

 

 

 

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A low libido is one of the most common sexual complaints for women.   It’s also Lauren White’s area of expertise and her passion. Lauren is a sexologist based in Brisbane, who assists her many satisfied clients to reinvigorate their sexual power and their intimate lives. Through her one-on-one sessions and workshops, she helps women to release their psychological blocks that prevent them from fully stepping into their sexuality.

In this episode we discuss the elusive female libido, as well as:

  • What is Saturn’s return?
  • Studying Sexology at Curtin university
  • Why your late 20s is a huge time of emotional growth
  • Unboxed and ethical sex toy companies
  • The prevalence and significance of orgasm equality in 2017
  • Hormonal contraceptives
  • Why women need to change by ourselves, for ourselves
  • Harvey Weinstein, consent and the #metoo campaign
  • Is everyone else having sex but you?
  • Why the language we use influences your sexual mind-set
  • Quality over quantity, especially between the sheets
  • The danger of silence and assumptions in shaping our belief systems
  • Why communication is key to a healthy sexuality
  • The best way to start a conversation about sex
  • How to foster a safe space for important, sensitive topics
  • What makes soy a huge libido blocker?
  • Alcohol’s effect on your orgasmic capacity
  • How to expand and explore your sexuality
  • Urban Tantra
  • Women's Anatomy by Sherry Winston
  • Vanilla sex and the anti-tantra mantra
  • Is penetration a requisite for sex?
  • The difference between a sexual act and intercourse
  • The joys of non-goal-oriented sex
  • Do our body’s possess an innate wisdom?
  • The ideal time for foreplay - it’s longer than you think
  • Vanessa Muradian of Mia Muse on Yoni Massage 
  • How do you help the woman in your life feel more sexy, confident and in control?
 

 

Want to work with Lauren?

Explore her website to find out how. 

You can also follow her on Instagram.

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It's easy to discount our behaviours as instinctive and unshakeable. The way we think and act is often perplexing, even when we’re at our most self-aware. But what we might not be aware of is that there are different systems for thinking and acting, and with the right tools and mindset, we can learn how to manipulate these systems. The result? More self-control, self-awareness, and the ability to change your life. In this minisode, we’re delving into behavioural psychology, how our unconscious mode of thinking drastically affects our romantic lives, and why we go after the wrong person.

In this episode we talk about:

Did you learn something new and interesting in this episode? Leave us a review on iTunes.

You can also stay up to date with us on Instagram and Facebook.

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Can you truly be friends with a previous partner? This is a question we’ve explored previously on the blog and on the podcast. But what readers and listeners might not be aware of is that All We Cannot Say is inspired by an honest conversation between two exes who achieved what many set out to do, but fail: friendship without borders.
Board game designer Peter C. Hayward  and artist Honour Eastly (otherwise known as SJ) co-host Being Honest With My Ex, a podcast that explores what happens when two former partners heal their respective heartaches, and become the best of friends without agenda.
It’s an authentic exploration of the dynamic between two previous lovers who’ve transformed romantic love into hatred, and then into platonic love for all the world to witness and enjoy. If you enjoy candour, black humour and unabashed honesty, it's a real treat for your ears.
In this latest episode from All We Cannot Say , Peter joins us to discuss the creative process behind Being Honest with My Ex, his thoughts on jealousy, and why exes can be the best of friends.

In this episode, we answer the question 'Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?'

We also talk about:

  • How do you start a podcast with your ex?
  • The beginning of Being honest With My Ex
  • Harmon Town
  • The cathartic experience of airing your dirty laundry publicly
  • The logistics of recording with a former partner in a different country
  • The emotional and energetic labour involved in creating your own podcast
  • Personal growth via creating audio material
  • Anne Hunter on Episode 3: Ethical Non-Monogamy
  • Why listening to yourself argue is a great exercise in introspection and personal development
  • How to resolve an argument you’ve started or made worse
  • Can you really be friends with your ex?
  • Why your ego is your worst enemy
  • How to deal with jealousy if your partner is still friends with their ex
  • Big Fish the movie
  • Gender identity
  • How to navigate pronouns in a gender-centric world
  • The joys and setbacks of living within your own progressive bubble
  • The emotional and intellectual benefits of surrounding yourself with adversaries
  • How to build mental muscles for emotional and intellectual strength
  • The emotional challenges in personal reconciliation
  • Sleep and it's importance for the creative process
  • Gimlet Media
  • So This Is Love and creative partnerships with your life partner
  • Private romance as public performance
  • Is there such a thing as a soul mate?
  • Starving Artist Podcast and how to make money from creative endeavours
  • Does the microphone make you more authentic?
  • Schrodinger’s Cat

Want to explore Peter's other podcasts?
Subscribe to Being Honest With My Ex
Listen to So This Is Love (currently on hiatus)

Join myself and Gigi Engle for the Pussy Power Hour this October 4, 7pm, New York time (October 5, 9am, Melbourne time).
RSVP via Facebook, and be sure to like Gigi Engle's Facebook page to get notified when we go LIVE.

 

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Rachel Hills is the author of The Sex Myth, a highly accessible but nonetheless meaty piece of new non-fictional feminist literature.
So what exactly is the sex myth? If you’ve ever been burdened by societal rules on ladylike behaviour, you’ll understand the pervasive sense that your sexual appetite might not fit the norm. Is everyone having sex but you? Or perhaps you feel shamed for your casual encounters? It’s been fifty years since the sexual revolution, yes, but there’s a new power at play here in policing what goes on behind closed doors.
It’s not the government.
It’s not the church.
And it’s not the media (not always, anyway).
It’s actually us. And although our new brand of sexual convention doesn’t exist within a vacuum, it really is up to us to bust our own sex myths in the name of health and happiness.
 

In this episode we talk about:

  • Nerdy and passionate love for feminist non-fiction
  • Why the personal is political, and the sex myth as part of a broader cultural framework
  • What is the sex myth and how are we ALL affected by it?
  • Is everyone having sex but you? The answer…NOPE!
  • Shame and stigma around sexuality
  • How do sex myths come about? Hint - it’s not the media…it’s you!
  • Why sex work is NOT uniquely exploitative. It’s just work!
  • Slut shaming
  • Sex as a serious, academic subject
  • The perils of writing while female and mansplaining
  • Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy
  • The definition of healthy sexual expression (hint: does it feel good? Is it ethical?)
  • Is overt sexual expression the only real sexuality?
  • Are morality and ethics the same thing?
  • Sex Start Ups in a Hostile Business World 
  • Cindy Gallop’s Make Love Not Porn and marketing sex
  • Why porn is not inherently detrimental to consent culture and feminism
  • Yes, God, Yes by Karen Maine 
  • Why does repressing sex make it more exciting?
  • Seeking Arrangement, Sugar Daddy dating and selling your sexuality for profit
  • The financial privileges of sexual freedom
  • Sex and the City and its place within our sexual freedom narratives
  • The disparity between social classes and sexual freedom
  • The astounding relevancy of The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
  • Trump’s presidency and reproductive rights and LGBTQ rights
  • What’s the difference between objectification and subjectification
  • The History of Sexuality by Focault 
  • How rules become a part of our lives without us even realising it
  • Pitching to women’s magazines and writing about progressive issues for teen magazines
  • Middle class expectations, insecurity and straddling the line between two extremes
  • Sex as a part of consumer culture
  • Do dating apps commoditise people?
  • The rating and dating complex by William Waller 
  • What actions can we take TODAY to combat the Sex Myth?

 

Buy tickets to Rachel's play here.

You can buy Rachel's book The Sex Myth through Amazon.

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Many of us believe that teen sexuality is something to be avoided and shamed – and that if we’re to be responsible parents, sisters and brothers, it’s also something we need to do our best to prevent from happening.

There are a lot of reasons for this view. One is that STIs are higher than they ever were before. But is this because sex, in and of itself, is to blame?

According to the Huffington Post, children get their education from porn at as young as 11 years of age. This means that kids are turning to highly stylised productions where everyday events take unexpected sexual turns. How often do you see condoms and lube in porn? Never, right? It's a fantasy.

 Coupled with the facts that kids are bypassing firewalls and parental blocks to access porn, and you're left with sex ed that compounds fact with fiction. No wonder why kids hide this activity from parents!

Yet research demonstrates that teens who can be open about their sexuality with their parents fare better in every aspect of their sexual health. And study after study has found that sexual shame harms people in myriad ways.

From heightening the likelihood of substance abuse and eating disorders, to increasing STI and HIV risk, to preventing survivors of sexual assault from reporting the crimes, to compulsive pornography consumption, there is no doubt that framing sex in negative terms has real world consequences.

Author Row Murray is hoping to change that.

Row is the author of For Foxes’ Sake!, the age-appropriate sex education book I wish I had growing up. Aimed at teenagers, their teachers and their parents, it’s a no holds barred deep dive into safer and healthier sex for young girls today.

In this episode, we discuss:

  • What are teens searching for online?
  • Porn viewing habits
  • Why parents need to take responsibility for their kids sex education
  • The danger of porn as an educator
  • Where did I come from?
  • Sex fairy god mothers
  • Periods talk!
  • Why teens talk to their parents last about sex
  • What is a sex positivity?
  • How to create a sex positive home
  • Fat shaming and sex work
  • Can sexting be empowering?
  • The Fappening
  • Are people who look at shared nude selfies just as guilty as those who share them without consent?
  • Nickolai Goundry, technology and male culture
  • Female drivers and motorcross
  • Pay for high quality, ethical, consensual porn!
  • Sex workers everywhere on Twitter
  • Porn piracy and the politics of consumer trends
  • Vixen.com
  • Sex work is work!
  • How teen girls can rock self respect online
  • State-based legislation around selfie culture
  • Rachel Syme’s essays on selfie culture
  • Did Paris Hilton invent the first selfie?
  • Why safe sex and sensuality are compatible
  • Why teens have the highest STI rates of any generation
  • LELO Hex and condom innovation
  • Lubes, latex and finding the right condom for you
  • Pretty Little Liars, surveillance and the male gaze
  • Is it possible to turn the male gaze on its head?
  • Male aggression and cat calling
  • Bitch facing like a champion
  • How to break down herd mentality
  • The dangers of steaming your vagina
  • How to clean your sex toys safely
  • Row’s new book for teenage boys - All Foxed Up!

You can buy For Foxes' Sake! at Row's website.

You can also stay up to date with Row's latest writing on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

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Men, on average, die five years younger than women, and researchers believe that a big part of that gap is about social isolation. In other words, men are dying before women, to some extent, due to a lack of support amongst men themselves.
It’s also true that there’s a tendency for men to avoid seeking care for depression and our cultural norms discourage men from seeking help for mental illness.

In the interest of discussing these alarming statistics from someone with more experiential wisdom, I spoke with James Ferne of The Men's Collective. They're a Melbourne based support group for millennial men to self-reveal, reflect and support one another all in the name of personal development and mental health. Ultimately, The Men’s collective is a space for dudes to be seen and heard, and to break down barriers of pride, shame and stigma.

In this episode, we talk about:

  • The effect of WW1 and 2 on masculinity
  • Why your friends can’t always give you advice
  • Why you need an objective sounding board
  • The benefit of an objective understanding
  • The difference between speaking form the heart and the head
  • The art of manliness
  • Why inner strength is a muscle
  • The shame in over-sharing
  • Is your drunk self your real self?
  • The physiological pain of social rejection - it actually HURTS physically
  • Limbic resonance and how our parents teach us how to respond emotionally
  • Beyond Mars and Venus by John Gray
  • Why guys find it easier to open up through activity
  • Why suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45
  • Men are 3 times more likely to die from suicide than women
  • Manhood by Steve Biddulph
  • The effect of the industrial revolution on gender roles
  • Alex White and Modern Masculinity
  • Why we only see the 1% of what men look like on social media
  • What is a fuckboi?
  • How to cultivate a space of honesty and self-revelation
  • The hierarchy of honesty
  • Social media anxiety
  • The over-pathologisation of feelings
  • How to know when it's time to see a psychologist
  • Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel
  • Marshall Rosenburg and the Theory of NonViolent Communication

 

The Men's Collective holds monthly meetings for young men throughout Melbourne. Find out when the next event is on Facebook.

 

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Once a couple's Oxytocin rollercoaster comes to a grinding halt, they face a plethora of romantic and personal dilemmas. Whereas once you might have let conflicting values and certain behaviours slide throughout your honeymoon period, you might begin to question your future together once the rosey hue of new love has faded.

The question is: should you break up?

In this episode, we speak to fellow podcaster Meg Luscombe. She is a Melbourne-based life and relationship expert who facilitates meditation, healing and personal growth for all types of couples. Ultimately, she provides them with life skills to help them overcome obstacles so that they can have more fulfilling relationships.

In this episode, we talk about:

  • Why we all have multiple ‘soul mates’
  • Why love is not hopeless
  • The different between lust and love
  • If I’m obsessed with someone, does it mean I love them?
  • Limerence and the psychological dangers of the honeymoon period
  • When to know when your lust is destroying your life
  • The urge to merge
  • Britney Spears and Justine Timberlake = relationship goals
  • How do you deal with a friend who ghosts you when they get a bf/gf?
  • Why it physically hurts to go through a break up
  • Should you listen to your gut?
  • Why doubt isn’t always a bad thing
  • Relationship red flads
  • Why some people are in our lives for a short time, and not forever
  • How to end a relationship compassionately - don’t rip the band aid off!
  • How to communicate during a breakup
  • Love songs and toxic romance
  • Do we all need a relationship contract?
  • The danger of faking positive emotions and the importance of grieving a relationship properly
  • The No Contact Rule
  • When can you be friends with your ex?
  • Social media detoxes
  • The gendered divide of grieving and why men tend to suppress
  • Why "time heals all wounds" is the worst advice
  • The best advice? Don't give any!

If you enjoyed Meg’s easy-going yet practical approach to relationships, you can easily get in touch with her by visiting her website. She offers coaching for both couples and single people alike.
You can also listen to Sex Love Wine for relationships advice every week.
Want more? Follow Meg on Facebook and Instagram.

 

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New to All We Cannot Say?

This episode is a great place to embrace fresh perspectives on love psychology, emotional resilience and sexual EQ.

Episode 20 is a recap of the most popular episodes from Season Two, with a focus on overcoming fear and anxiety. From learning how to communicate, to initiating respectful casual sex, this episode ties together a plethora of concepts which all have one unique attribute in common: a need to readdress our fears with new skills. Whether that's a fear of love or exploring our sexuality, it is only through radical acts of vulnerability, surrendering, and truly committing to personal growth that we can discover our obstacles are avenues through which to explore our inner conflicts.

 

Things discussed in this episode:

Got something to say about love and sex? Are you an expert with an informed point of view?
All We Cannot Say would love to hear your perspectives and share them with our audience. Reach out – we're eager to hear from articulate persons who love a good conversation.

 

Never miss an episode - Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 

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