I'm thankful to live in a time and place where progressive thinking and equality are celebrated. Do you feel the same way? If you do, you might be just as eager to embrace Becoming Cliterate (2017, HarperOne) with both hands (or just one, if you catch my drift).

Dr Laurie Mintz created this resource for people everywhere with clitorises – and those who love them – to fully embrace their orgasmic potential. Because with straight, cis-gendered women receiving the least orgasms, it seems we as a culture have ways to go.

Dr Laurie Mintz is an author, psychologist, a speaker and a professor  whose life’s work has been committed to helping people live more authentic, meaningful, and joyful lives through the art and science of psychology.

Along with Becoming Cliterate, she's also authored  A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship (Adams Media, 2009).

 

In this episode, we explore what Mintz calls the orgasm gap, and explore ways to bridge the hugely unfair divide.

 

In this episode we talk about:

  • What is the orgasm gap?
  • The number one reason women aren’t having enough orgasms
  • Is porn bad?
  • Why penetrative sex does not = female orgasm
  • Why sex education in the US contributes to the orgasm gap
  • Are older women more sexually fulfilled than those below 35?
  • Is foreplay ruining your sex life?
  • What is linguistic genital mutiliation?
  • Basic female anatomy - are you getting it right?
  • Different = deficit
  • G-spot ejaculation
  • Lauren White and the Anti-Tantra Mantra
  • Hugo Schwyzer and anal sex
  • Is there a purpose beyond pleasure for the female orgasm?
  • The Case of the Female Orgasm by Elizabeth Lloyd 
  • The evolution of the clitoris
  • How to express your needs during a casual hook-up
  • The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz
  • How to recover from sexual abuse and reclaim your sexuality
  • Why you absolutely need to stop making penis-sized jokes

 

Dr Laurie has a fabulous blog should you seek further advice and tips.

You can also follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

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I believe in using your voice and tiny lived experienced for endless creation.
And so does Gigi Engle, All We Cannot Say alumni, writer and professional sex educator. It takes a grand supply of chutzpah to be vocal AND heard on the internet, and with the force of her words and audacious attitude, Gigi makes herself heard as a woman standing up for all women.

Haven’t heard of her? It’s a hard moment in our culture to pay attention to anyone with reverence, yet seldom is there someone as noisy. One day she’s penning an article on anal sex for Teen Vogue, the next she’s posting an image of her crystal face roller to Instagram. Both are marked displays of feminist culture in 2018.

Throughout the past year of personal growth and audio exploration, Gigi and I have DMd, sent winky faces, and she’s even vouching for me when I apply for my Masters of Sexology. When I thanked her she told me to shut up because women support women. That’s solidarity.

And that’s why I wanted her back on the podcast. What unfolds between us is typically millennial, somewhat contentious, hilarious and expansive.

 

In this episode we talk about:

 

Find more of Gigi all over the internet - namely Twitter and Instagram. 

 

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On April 11, Trump signed into law two new bills that sex workers say will literally kill them.

The bills - Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) and Stop Enabling Sex Trafficking Act (SESTA) makes websites liable for the content they publish. This means that many online services - that host adult content are now taking down user websites and user accounts to avoid legal action.

Many online activists - primarily consensual sex workers - have criticised the bill for attacking freedom of speech, saying it does nothing to help sex trafficking victims. Instead, it's erasing their safe spaces where they can advertise their services, share safety resources, and freely express themselves.

And although it might be as late as January 2019 before arrests can be made, these bills have already sent shockwaves across the internet.

One of the websites key to the FOSTA debate was Backpage, an online classifieds site where users frequently – but not primarily – advertised for sexual services. Federal authorities seized Backpage on Monday, two days before Trump even signed the bills, demonstrating that the FBI never really needed FOSTA’s backing to indict the site to begin with.

Now almost two months after the introduction of these new laws, many more websites have shutdown, and sex workers and their supporters have begun to mobilise.

In this episode, we speak to Liara Roux, a sex worker, independent adult media producer and director, a political organizer focused on freedom of expression for adult workers online, and an advocate for decriminalization and protection of consensual adult activity including queer and sex worker rights and safety worldwide.

 

In this episode, we talk about:

  • What is FOSTA/SESTA?
  • Who supports it?
  • Who opposes it?
  • Who does FOSTA/SESTA affect?
  • How automated bots are removing your adult content with very little oversight or human input
  • Why FOSTA and SESTA are about consensual sex work and NOT sex trafficking
  • In what ways does FOSTA and SESTA hurt individuals rather than help them?
  • What is sex trafficking?
  • Should internet companies be responsible for their user content?
  • Where it all started with Kamala Harris and Backpage
  • Relationship dynamics between sex workers and their clients
  • Bounded authenticity and sex work
  • Is sex work authentic?
  • Are all relationships transactional?
  • Class movement and sex work
  • The economics of porn
  • Mindgeek’s crazy monopoly on porn
  • Sex at the margins by Laura Augustin
  • Why criminalising sex work does not help victims of sex trafficking
  • The death of Backpage and Cracker as advertising platforms for consensual sex work
  • The organisation rewarding $25k to sex workers who’ll out congressmen clients who supported FOSTA/SESTA
  • Stormy Daniels, the sex worker attempting to dismantle the US presidency
  • Twitter shadow bans
  • Switter.at, the sex worker alternative to Twitter with over 40k users
  • Temporarily Yours by Elizabeth Bernstein
  • How will sex worker clients be affected by FOSTA/SESTA?
  • Sex Worker Exclusionary Feminism (SWERF)
  • The history of marriage
  • Why and how FOSTA/SESTA has created a seller’s market due to increased risk
  • How can you help sex workers?

 

Want to show your support? Visit survivorsagainstsesta.org

Follow Liara Roux on Twitter for more updates as they unfold.

 

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This particular episode comes at a time when it’s essential to talk about the experiences of sex workers. In the past week, not only was December 17 international day to end violence against sex workers, but December 19 also marked one year since exotic dancer Stacey Tierney died. Stacey's body was found at Dreams Gentlemen’s Club in Melbourne, 12 hours after she was seen partying with several patrons. Her death is believed to be caused by a drug overdose, but no confirmation of this has been made.
 
Because no one has been charged with her highly suspicious death, more than 1300 signatures have been collected to call on Victoria Police to find out what happened.
Sex workers and their allies around the world are outraged, because it normalises a stigma around sex work: that it's inherently dangerous, and that sex workers aren’t entitled to the same workplace safety laws.
 
It’s this kind of prejudice that plays into the myth that sex workers are responsible for crimes committed against them. While there is no evidence yet about how Stacey died, the media diminished her life and her death with salacious speculation about her ‘secret’ life ... which must be heart-breaking for her grieving family and friends who received no closure.
Sex work, and sex workers, DO MATTER. And that’s the message of this episode.
It’s a sentiment that author Lola Davina explores in her self-help book [amazon_textlink asin='0998892068' text='Thriving in Sex Work. ' template='ProductLink' store='allwecannotsa-20' marketplace='US' link_id='8f36fc6f-e6d4-11e7-8edf-09f7dd9b8cec']As a former sex worker, Davina has first-hand insight and advice for staying sane, healthy and happy within an industry that’s so often misunderstood.

In this episode, we talk about mental health and sex work, and:

 
Follow Lola on Twitter.
Sign the petition to demonstrate your support for Stacey Tierney's case.
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Luna Matatas was married once. After a divorce and a sexual renaissance of sorts, she discovered a new-found energy for exploring her sexuality as a curious and empowered woman. Today, she helps singles, couples and new divorcees to traverse new, erotic terrains. From navigating anal sex etiquette, to how using Tinder for a threesome, to pegging and all manner of other taboo activities, this episode explores a wide scope of topics.
 
In this episode, we talk about:
 
  • O School
  • Kate McCombs of Tea and Empathy
  • Sexual renaissance after divorce
  • What makes a bad threesome?
  • What do you need to study to be a sex expert?
  • Sex and the City, Girls and HBO as part of the discursive construction of sexuality
  • Fifty Shades of Grey, erotic literature and pathologising kink as trauma
  • Non-sexual submission and domination
  • Sex as part of creative expression
  • How to use empathy to become a better lover
  • Your biggest erogenous zone - YOUR BRAIN
  • How do you find pleasure outside of instant gratification?
  • What is a fetish?
  • Does 'Don’t yuck my yum’ enable problematic fetishes?
  • Can you ever over-masturbate?
  • How to have an honest and open dialogue about fetishes with your conservative partner
  • What is age play? Is age play unethical?
  • How to use dating apps to find your unicorn
  • Should use a sex worker for your next threesome?
  • 10 things your can do to optimise your dating profile to attract your unicorn
  • How to deal with jealousy during a threesome
  • Where does shame come from?
  • Everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power
  • Body positivity as an empowering tool in the labour force
  • How can men be an ally? 
  • Get your Peg the Patriarchy Panties here.
  • Fuck Like a Goddess - the official underwear.  
  • The rise of anal pay in mainstream media.
  • What makes a body-safe sex toy?
  • Can you put a crystals (yoni eggs) in your vagina?
  • What is Feminine Dominance (femme domme)?
 
You can find more information about Luna’s workshops via her website.
Be sure to follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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Have you ever stopped to think about where your porn comes from, or if porn actors receive fair pay? These aren’t generally pressing questions for the average porn consumer as they scroll through their search results for a 5-minute clip. But as with all parts of consumer culture, it’s important for us to think about how we can support higher and more ethical production standards.
Euphemia Russell is a pleasure and sexuality educator in Melbourne. In this episode, we spoke to her about the state of the Australian adult entertainment industry, and how we can help to support artistic integrity and fairer production standards.
 

In this episode, we also discuss:

  • The state of Australian sex education
  • The cultural, political and institutional barriers to running a sex education business
  • The state of the porn industry
  • Does ethical porn exist?
  • Why sex work is work
  • The politics of Porn Hub and its heteronormative cis-gendered bias
  • One cup, two girls
  • What really goes on inside the porn industry?
  • Do we need more realistic porn? Is there a place for fantasy in our intimate lives?
  • Porn screenings and safe spaces for understanding public and private perceptions of porn
  • Why we NEED more public spaces to talk about sex safely
  • Row Murray on Episode 23 
  • Kids are watching porn from as young as 8-years-old
  • When is the time educate our kids about safe, consensual sex?
  • Porn tropes and their place in rape culture
  • The demise of high quality porn in the 90s
  • Why you absolutely HAVE to pay for porn
  • Crash Pad Series
  • The problem with ‘feminist' porn and ‘ethical’ porn
  • SWERFs and social exclusion
  • Why do so many straight women love lesbian porn?
  • How you we be better consumers? Vote with your dollars!
  • Visit Pinklabel.tv for loads of high-quality, ethically produced porn
  • Porn actor Jizz Lee
  • Catalyst Con
  • Why is Australia so conservative?
  • Victorian legal frameworks and sex work 
  • #gymtw
  • Sex Worker’s Outreach Program 
  • Estelle Lucas on Episode 17 
  • Why rape fantasies are common - but are they 'normal'?
  • Esther Perel and the concept of a secret garden
  • How to cultivate healthy fantasies
  • Lube is the BEST SEX TOY
  • The difference between oil, silicone and water-based lubes
  • Passionfruit in Richmond, Melbourne
 
Be sure to follow Euphemia’s work on Instagram and Facebook.
 

 

 

 

 

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A low libido is one of the most common sexual complaints for women.   It’s also Lauren White’s area of expertise and her passion. Lauren is a sexologist based in Brisbane, who assists her many satisfied clients to reinvigorate their sexual power and their intimate lives. Through her one-on-one sessions and workshops, she helps women to release their psychological blocks that prevent them from fully stepping into their sexuality.

In this episode we discuss the elusive female libido, as well as:

  • What is Saturn’s return?
  • Studying Sexology at Curtin university
  • Why your late 20s is a huge time of emotional growth
  • Unboxed and ethical sex toy companies
  • The prevalence and significance of orgasm equality in 2017
  • Hormonal contraceptives
  • Why women need to change by ourselves, for ourselves
  • Harvey Weinstein, consent and the #metoo campaign
  • Is everyone else having sex but you?
  • Why the language we use influences your sexual mind-set
  • Quality over quantity, especially between the sheets
  • The danger of silence and assumptions in shaping our belief systems
  • Why communication is key to a healthy sexuality
  • The best way to start a conversation about sex
  • How to foster a safe space for important, sensitive topics
  • What makes soy a huge libido blocker?
  • Alcohol’s effect on your orgasmic capacity
  • How to expand and explore your sexuality
  • Urban Tantra
  • Women's Anatomy by Sherry Winston
  • Vanilla sex and the anti-tantra mantra
  • Is penetration a requisite for sex?
  • The difference between a sexual act and intercourse
  • The joys of non-goal-oriented sex
  • Do our body’s possess an innate wisdom?
  • The ideal time for foreplay - it’s longer than you think
  • Vanessa Muradian of Mia Muse on Yoni Massage 
  • How do you help the woman in your life feel more sexy, confident and in control?
 

 

Want to work with Lauren?

Explore her website to find out how. 

You can also follow her on Instagram.

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It's easy to discount our behaviours as instinctive and unshakeable. The way we think and act is often perplexing, even when we’re at our most self-aware. But what we might not be aware of is that there are different systems for thinking and acting, and with the right tools and mindset, we can learn how to manipulate these systems. The result? More self-control, self-awareness, and the ability to change your life. In this minisode, we’re delving into behavioural psychology, how our unconscious mode of thinking drastically affects our romantic lives, and why we go after the wrong person.

In this episode we talk about:

Did you learn something new and interesting in this episode? Leave us a review on iTunes.

You can also stay up to date with us on Instagram and Facebook.

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Can you truly be friends with a previous partner? This is a question we’ve explored previously on the blog and on the podcast. But what readers and listeners might not be aware of is that All We Cannot Say is inspired by an honest conversation between two exes who achieved what many set out to do, but fail: friendship without borders.
Board game designer Peter C. Hayward  and artist Honour Eastly (otherwise known as SJ) co-host Being Honest With My Ex, a podcast that explores what happens when two former partners heal their respective heartaches, and become the best of friends without agenda.
It’s an authentic exploration of the dynamic between two previous lovers who’ve transformed romantic love into hatred, and then into platonic love for all the world to witness and enjoy. If you enjoy candour, black humour and unabashed honesty, it's a real treat for your ears.
In this latest episode from All We Cannot Say , Peter joins us to discuss the creative process behind Being Honest with My Ex, his thoughts on jealousy, and why exes can be the best of friends.

In this episode, we answer the question 'Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?'

We also talk about:

  • How do you start a podcast with your ex?
  • The beginning of Being honest With My Ex
  • Harmon Town
  • The cathartic experience of airing your dirty laundry publicly
  • The logistics of recording with a former partner in a different country
  • The emotional and energetic labour involved in creating your own podcast
  • Personal growth via creating audio material
  • Anne Hunter on Episode 3: Ethical Non-Monogamy
  • Why listening to yourself argue is a great exercise in introspection and personal development
  • How to resolve an argument you’ve started or made worse
  • Can you really be friends with your ex?
  • Why your ego is your worst enemy
  • How to deal with jealousy if your partner is still friends with their ex
  • Big Fish the movie
  • Gender identity
  • How to navigate pronouns in a gender-centric world
  • The joys and setbacks of living within your own progressive bubble
  • The emotional and intellectual benefits of surrounding yourself with adversaries
  • How to build mental muscles for emotional and intellectual strength
  • The emotional challenges in personal reconciliation
  • Sleep and it's importance for the creative process
  • Gimlet Media
  • So This Is Love and creative partnerships with your life partner
  • Private romance as public performance
  • Is there such a thing as a soul mate?
  • Starving Artist Podcast and how to make money from creative endeavours
  • Does the microphone make you more authentic?
  • Schrodinger’s Cat

Want to explore Peter's other podcasts?
Subscribe to Being Honest With My Ex
Listen to So This Is Love (currently on hiatus)

Join myself and Gigi Engle for the Pussy Power Hour this October 4, 7pm, New York time (October 5, 9am, Melbourne time).
RSVP via Facebook, and be sure to like Gigi Engle's Facebook page to get notified when we go LIVE.

 

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Rachel Hills is the author of The Sex Myth, a highly accessible but nonetheless meaty piece of new non-fictional feminist literature.
So what exactly is the sex myth? If you’ve ever been burdened by societal rules on ladylike behaviour, you’ll understand the pervasive sense that your sexual appetite might not fit the norm. Is everyone having sex but you? Or perhaps you feel shamed for your casual encounters? It’s been fifty years since the sexual revolution, yes, but there’s a new power at play here in policing what goes on behind closed doors.
It’s not the government.
It’s not the church.
And it’s not the media (not always, anyway).
It’s actually us. And although our new brand of sexual convention doesn’t exist within a vacuum, it really is up to us to bust our own sex myths in the name of health and happiness.
 

In this episode we talk about:

  • Nerdy and passionate love for feminist non-fiction
  • Why the personal is political, and the sex myth as part of a broader cultural framework
  • What is the sex myth and how are we ALL affected by it?
  • Is everyone having sex but you? The answer…NOPE!
  • Shame and stigma around sexuality
  • How do sex myths come about? Hint - it’s not the media…it’s you!
  • Why sex work is NOT uniquely exploitative. It’s just work!
  • Slut shaming
  • Sex as a serious, academic subject
  • The perils of writing while female and mansplaining
  • Female Chauvinist Pigs by Ariel Levy
  • The definition of healthy sexual expression (hint: does it feel good? Is it ethical?)
  • Is overt sexual expression the only real sexuality?
  • Are morality and ethics the same thing?
  • Sex Start Ups in a Hostile Business World 
  • Cindy Gallop’s Make Love Not Porn and marketing sex
  • Why porn is not inherently detrimental to consent culture and feminism
  • Yes, God, Yes by Karen Maine 
  • Why does repressing sex make it more exciting?
  • Seeking Arrangement, Sugar Daddy dating and selling your sexuality for profit
  • The financial privileges of sexual freedom
  • Sex and the City and its place within our sexual freedom narratives
  • The disparity between social classes and sexual freedom
  • The astounding relevancy of The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
  • Trump’s presidency and reproductive rights and LGBTQ rights
  • What’s the difference between objectification and subjectification
  • The History of Sexuality by Focault 
  • How rules become a part of our lives without us even realising it
  • Pitching to women’s magazines and writing about progressive issues for teen magazines
  • Middle class expectations, insecurity and straddling the line between two extremes
  • Sex as a part of consumer culture
  • Do dating apps commoditise people?
  • The rating and dating complex by William Waller 
  • What actions can we take TODAY to combat the Sex Myth?

 

Buy tickets to Rachel's play here.

You can buy Rachel's book The Sex Myth through Amazon.

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