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This episode is a great place to embrace fresh perspectives on love psychology, emotional resilience and sexual EQ.
Episode 20 is a recap of the most popular episodes from Season Two, with a focus on overcoming fear and anxiety. From learning how to communicate, to initiating respectful casual sex, this episode ties together a plethora of concepts which all have one unique attribute in common: a need to readdress our fears with new skills. Whether that's a fear of love or exploring our sexuality, it is only through radical acts of vulnerability, surrendering, and truly committing to personal growth that we can discover our obstacles are avenues through which to explore our inner conflicts.
Things discussed in this episode:
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In 2017, there’s never been a better time to rally for social change, both on a micro and macro level. It's why All We Cannot Say exists - to challenge our perceptions of love and sexuality, and to help readers and listeners enhance their EQ. Yet with identity politics and conflict at the fore of our cultural consciousness, we're discovering the future is uncertain for equality. It begs the question: what does this mean for our notions of gender and sexuality? Do we need a new definition of masculinity to support more equality? Is the future really female? And how do we support each other to embrace growth, equality, and social and political change?
These are just a few of the pressing questions that permeate our cultural milieu. And it’s why I approached Alex White of The Man Lab, a Melbourne-based coaching service for modern men seeking strategies for personal growth and a healthier sexuality.
With his multi-modal approach to coaching, Alex helps his clients enhance their relationships and sex lives through exploring healthy masculinity, spirituality and sexuality. The result is a modern practice that enhances his clients’ sex lives and relationships, and aids in fostering a greater connection to self through deeper self-awareness.
Modern masculinity and other things discussed in this episode:
- Alex’s life as a UX designer, and how human behavioural psychology influences his work as a coach
- How do you become a life coach? Do you need a psychology degree?
- Male initiation ceremonies in Australia
- The Mankind Project
- Vipassana meditation
- Digital detoxes
- Being a workshop junkie, and extending that workshop high once 'reality' hits
- How is a life coach different from a therapist, psychologist or counsellor?
- How to healthily process emotions physically, rather than mentally
- What is masculinity in 2017? Do we need to redefine masculinity? How do we do this?
- The difference between male and female, masculine and feminine
- The problem with gendering the body and behaviour
- How to recognise a masculinity/femininity imbalance, and what to do about it
- Feminism, equal pay, and equal rights
- Gender stereotypes
- The core attributes that define a healthy adult
- The best time to think with your dick - all the time!
- Why I think Drake is a healthy role model for modern healthy masculinity, and why Alex doesn’t agree with me
- What does a good masculine role model look like?
- How to cultivate presence physically and mentally for better conversations and relationships
- The art of practical self love through applied touch
- The problem with ‘boys will be boys’
- It Didn’t Start with You
- Why inherited family trauma affects generations, and how to stop the vicious cycle
- How to balance science with traditional methodologies
- Why modern men NEED social rites of passage to mark adulthood, and how to find them in Australia
- The number one reason men seek a coach, and the first step to releasing that trauma
- Why calling a TIME OUT is the healthiest way to deal with conflict
- How to facilitate safety and maturity in an argument with your partner
- The easiest way to incorporate a simple, effective meditation practice into your daily life
- Headspace app
- How men can embrace more feminine qualities, and why balance is the key to a healthy, happy life
- The best exercises for starting your day off right
- The WORST WAY to balance your energy
- What practices make for a good coach, and how to spot a bad coach a mile away
- The best way that women can support men
- Why stepping away and doing nothing is a powerful act
- How to ensure that your needs are REALLY heard by your partner
Come hear Camilla talk about All We Cannot Say at the next Fuck Up Nights event in Melbourne. Proudly presented by General Assembly as part of Melbourne Knowledge Week 2017, Fuck Up Nights is a global movement embracing vulnerability through story telling.
It's FREE to come along! Just RSVP here.
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You know how the story goes.
Boy swipes right.
Girl swipes right.
Boy and girl meet.
Boy and girl date, ghost, and repeat.
It’s a modern love story, no?
If you’re feeling defeated and romantically stifled, there is a better way to date.
If you've become apathetic with the prospect of meeting a genuine soul to connect with, conscious dating is for you.
Conscious Dating is not altogether a new concept. But thanks to individuals like Kaila Perusco, it’s an approach to dating that’s becoming more popularised amongst Generation Y.
Kaila heads the The Conscious Dating Co, which runs a unique kind of speed dating event in Sydney and Melbourne. It attracts self-aware 20-30-somethings who are looking to engage in stimulating conversation, and leave with their dignity in tact. Rather than play musical chairs with 10-15 different people, Kaila organises fun group activities and questions designed to reveal a person’s character. Attendees leave feeling fulfilled, respected, and have even gone on to find their long-term partner.
Last year I found a group of women online who not only focus on promoting their professional identities, but simultaneously (and perhaps not intentionally), work to remove the shame and stigma of erotic labour. There’s room for selfies, humour, friendship and sharing values, and we’re invited to watch and participate. It’s a world that’s open to the general public, and the ease in which you can find these communities makes them easy to access.
So, I reached out to a few and heard crickets. Of course, these women can be targets for the perverse, and sometimes the well-intentioned but ultimately ignorant.
After a few exchanges with Estelle, I realised I fell into the latter. I wanted to be a good ally, but here’s the thing: you can’t just email escorts on the internet for quotes.
So I struck up an email exchange with Estelle, and eventually we agreed to meet. It was obvious to us both that my standard, superficial questions wouldn’t form the basis of a good interview.
Instead, we spoke about identity politics, gender politics, the meaning of love and intimacy, cultural values and so much more.
This is not an interview about what sex work is. Instead, it explores a multitude of dimensions to further enrich your emotional intelligence.
Being a professional sex columnist is a trope that often brings up allusions to a certain curly-haired dame with an extensive shoe collection. Cigarette dangling from her mouth, she breaths out disdain for the trail of hearts and emotional debris left in her wake, as she types her prophecy into the internet universe.
But it’s 2017, and with our sexual openness, WIFI connections and the added layer of complexity that online dating brings to relationships, we need a new breed of guru. Someone who’s writing career is real, whose dating life is relatable, and whose advice is grounded in a need to empower women everywhere.
Enter Gigi Engle, professional sex columnist and cohost of podcast Dirty Sexy Monogamy. Gigi has written sex and relationship advice for the likes of The Thrillest, was the senior sex and lifestyle writer at Elite Daily, and she has also written for Men’s Health, Elle Magazine and Bustle.
In this episode, we talk about:
- The most common sex questions
- How to get your partner to have sex with you more
- Being a proud slut and a highly sexual woman
- The trials of having a higher libido than your partner
- Masculinity, sexuality and the challenges of having different libidos
- + loads more!
Want more of Gigi? Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
AND, if you're in New York, be sure to check out Gigi's workshop Sexting 101 this March 15. It's just $15 to learn the correct etiquette for a pants-dropping digital missive.
Buy tickets online here.
There’s a tendency to overdramatise and often romanticise depression and anxiety. A whole litany of tropes spring to mind - the tortured artist, the mysterious girl with sad eyes, the neurotic genius. But mental health is far from glamorous, and I would argue, far form being a big deal.
Everyone experiences moments of despair and extreme stress, but when it comes to clinical depression and anxiety, these add another layer of complexity to the already confusing world of dating.
In this episode, Hannah Joyner speaks to us about her own experiences with OCD, anxiety and depression.
As someone who’s skilled in the art of exploring complexity and social issues for the likes of VICE and Tone Deaf, she approaches pop culture and politics with accessibility in mind. She makes the topics she writes about easy to understand and explore, and a pleasure to read.
Have we reached peak dating app apathy? Does technology have a place in the bedroom? These are questions I went to Bryony Cole with. As the host of The Future of Sex Show, Bryony uses her podcast as a means to explore the brave new world of physical intimacy. Featuring interviews with sex and tech thought leaders, The Future of Sex is a deep dive into a new world of intimacy crossed with innovation.
Sexuality and disability are two subjects that Kirsten Schultz explores on her blog Chronicsex.org. Growing up with multiple illnesses, Kirsten had to navigate her sexuality in a world that had very little online resources for those with disabilities. Today, she creates safe spaces both online and offline for others to educate themselves, self-reveal, and find validation outside of an ableist mindset.
Experiencing pain during sex? It’s not just you - it might be vulvodynia. Chronic vulval pain is not something that’s so easily diagnosed, and in fact, many women don’t even realise they have it. But through searching forums online, Hope Kramer learned how to heal herself after Western Medicine failed to find a cure.
As the founder of the Sex Book Club in Sydney, Hope is on a mission to promote awareness of this debilitating syndrome, and encourage women to openly embrace their sexuality and emotional health.
Do 50% of all marriage really end in divorce? Is the marriage rate up, or is it down? I
t seems that the world is more and more confused about marriage now than ever before. Here’s what we do know - the average for marriage has risen from 18 to late 20s/early 30s, and Australians now favour long-term de factor relationships over exchanging rings.
And it’s the same for Americans too, with roughly 25% of US millennials taking a stroll down the aisle, according to research from the Pew Research Centre. That’s a big change from 72% back in 1962.
Which begs the question: why are we so pessimistic about marriage? And does this mean we’re also ambivalent about long-term romance?
In this episode, Erik Newtown of The Together Show talks to use about his life as a former divorce lawyer, and why co-creating a long-term relationship requires work.